IC INBOX

[deadkord]

[ Call | Text | Voicemail | Email | Action | Whatever ]


Anyone who calls Ted's phone will hear the following voicemail message, obviously in Ted's voice:

"The wireless customer you're trying to reach has not set up their voicemail. Please leave a message after the beep. Beep."

BEEP

Comments

HAPPY THANKSGIVING

[you_tried]

[ What are you thankful for, Ted? Hopefully it's your bestest buddy showing up on your doorstep at 8AM with a forcefield bubble full of boxes trailing behind him. ]

Guess what! I'm moving.

[deadkord]

[ Ted wasn't even awake when Booster knocked. He's staring, bleary eyed and half awake, at the stuff behind him, then back at Booster, then back at the stuff, then back at Booster. ]

Moving where?

12/24

[khajidont]

[For Christmas, Ted will get a package of dumb caffeine mug because Jaime's hedging his bets in case his other present is unusable.

It's an IOU for the parts from the last Ted's bug that Jaime's officially stowed in his garage (a perk of living in a two-motorcycle house instead of a two-car house), and a binder full of notes. They're immaculately organized, and colour coded to boot, though they're not entirely in the right order; there's a section at the back labeled misc for jotted notes that Jaime can't make heads nor tails of, and it's a larger section than he would like.

It's probably a little creepy that it's this organized, but every Beetle has to have a creepy shrine to their predecessor, right? A note enclosed says:

Merry Christmas!

Ish, anyway. I'm not sure if you actually celebrate it and I was kind of guessing not.

Is it creepy he found that on google? Just keep writing, Jaime.

But I do, so I figured I'd give you a gift anyway. It might be a little weird reading stuff you don't remember doing, but if you want to get a head start on the Bug, some of the notes and materials you left behind last time might be kind of useful.

-Jaime]

[deadkord]

[ Ted opens everything right away, because Jaime's right: he doesn't celebrate, so why hold to traditions and wait to open his presents until the next day? But once he realizes just what it is that Jaime's given him, he texts him immediately ]

Hey! Thanks for the stuff! This is really helpful.

[ An attached photo of him drinking out of the mug and giving a thumbs up, the binder open in his lap. It's not a selfie, so he definitely roped Booster into taking it. ]

It's kinda of weird, seeing stuff in my own handwriting that I don't remember writing, but it's going to help get my projects off the ground (literally, in the Bug's case) a lot faster.

12/25

[boobwindow]

[ It's quite a large box sitting outside Ted's door, but it's non-threatening, at least. (There's totally nothing suspicious about a box wrapped in Christmas wrapping, right? Especially if it's got cats playing with baubles on it.)

Opening it up will reveal a fancy 3D printer, with a little note signed from Karen. A P.S. reads, "Don't do anything stupid with it." ]

DAY 3 OF THE SEMINAR | VOICE

[khajidont]

Uh... hey, Ted? Can I talk to you about something? It kiiiind of involves messing up your retirement.

[deadkord]

You mean my mostly symbolic retirement that everyone else forgets about anyway? Sure, what's on your mind?

text;

[alreadywon]

[Because how do you handle a situation where someone you respect and fanboy admire is alive again after seemingly committing suicide? Responsibly and like an adult. Or you could panic and send cat pictures instead.]

[deadkord]

...Uh. Thanks?

[ Ted's going to be so pissed when he finds out people think he killed himself. ]

May 10th: Text & Gift

[exceptfebruary]

Happy Birthday. Check your fanmail.

[ When/if Ted does, he'll find a gift wrapped with cheap newsprint and hand-drawn blue beetle symbols. Inside, there's a small paper mache shiv made of Mancalendars, and the spring colouring book from Linda Francis Colouring Books and Stickers, designed by one Julian Day during his import day-job. ]

[deadkord]

[ After he gets home and unwraps the presents, he texts Julian back. ]

I'm getting a display case for that shiv. It's really something.

text ; BUGS YOU IN TWO PLACES (before their current log thread)

[khajidont]

So quick question

When you first retired was it hard to stick to it?

[deadkord]

I wound up working with Oracle and the Birds of Prey while I was "retired", so. Yeah.

text; i know you're like Dead rn so respond or not at your leisure

[snarkbot]

I'm sorry to inform you I've achieved one of the dreams you've never managed to, sir.

[deadkord]

Ooh, let me guess. You went back in time and had a threesome with Ada Lovelace and Nikola Tesla?

MISFIRE; text

[earnedmystripes]

you ever wonder why when you wanna talk about more than one sheep you still say sheep

like that's weird, right

[deadkord]

No that's just grammar.

text ; OH THE MISFIRE

[khajidont]

Yeah the dude is like an ENORMOUS RACIST

but he's also like the whitest guy I've ever seen and had no clue what he was ordering so his butthole's gonna be on fire for like the next 72 hours

Help me cast a diarrhea spell on him

[...sorry, Ted.]

Maybe I should slip even more hot sauce in his food if he goes to the washroom

[deadkord]

[ Ted can tell immediately that this wasn't meant for him, but he is delighted, nonetheless. ]

You should absolutely do that. The more, the better.

DELIVERY

[khajidont]

[ HO HO HO, AND MERRY CHRISTMAS! Courtesy of beetlemail, Ted will receive: a box set of Space Explorers and a fetching bathrobe. ]

Merry ChristmasHanukkah Ted!

It's no Star Trek but hey, it's pretty good anyway. Thanks for everything this year!

-Jaime

P.S. Sorry if I didn't spell that correctly. I checked online and people spell Hanukkah like five different ways

[khajidont]

I got a car

[khajidont]

It's a blue beetle

PHYSICAL MAIL to his po box

[exceptfebruary]

[ There's a package in the mail. Inside is a box of chocolates and a small black envelope. Inside is a handmade Valentine's Day card from none other than Calendar Man: ]

[deadkord]

[ And later in the day, Julian will find a giant heart shaped card with cute puppies and shit on it taped to his door, along with a box of chocolates (with a couple of pieces missing from inside) sitting on his doorstep. ]

text;

[pillz]

hello my fellow gay
what is ur opinion of rise

[deadkord]

Important note: still not actually gay

But you mean the imPort pseudo-police? I can't say I know that much about them

text or action idk i use the same font for both

[snarkbot]

[ sometime after this ]

Sir... can I ask you something?

action is fine sure, hope you're prepared for the worst thread ever

[deadkord]

[ Skeets probably could've picked a better time for this than when Ted has the Bug's engine all pulled apart for maintenance, but that's also probably the time he's most likely to stay in one place long enough to get a straight answer to something. ]

What's up, Skeets?

action

[snarkbot]

[ Skeets is looking through the house, zooming through the rooms. ]

Mr. Kord?

[deadkord]

I'm in here!

[ He's in the dining room, dinner for one largely ignored on a plate beside him as he works through the disassembled pieces of some piece of mechanical equipment spread out in front of him. ]

And for the thousandth time, Skeets, just "Ted" is fine.

text;

[picksthenames]

can i ask you a sincere question without being chewed out for insubordination or whatever?

2/3

[picksthenames]

why is batman such a dick??

Action

[snarkboy]

[ Sometime when Ted's home, Skeets comes looking for him. He's wearing a suit that he definitely didn't borrow from Ted, and seems oddly... nervous when he approaches.]

Are you busy Mr. Kord [ He pauses, and corrects himself. ] -- Ted?

[deadkord]

[ Ted’s lounging on one of Bruce’s stupidly fancy couches, with his feet up on the coffee table as he skins the Network on his phone. At least he’s not wearing shoes, because this coffee table probably cost as much as a car. ]

Never too busy for— [ He glances up. ] Wow. Nice threads.

delivery to ted kord

[the_caped_crusader]

[Some stock ass holiday card with a thousand bucks inside. Probably signed by his secretary.]

[divaricate]

[CURRENT DATE—

Wanda had been just a bit too dead to give out her Christmas/Hanukkah/holiday presents in December, so this comes a bit delayed:

Wanda got every member of the Justice League one winter-y scented candle and a $20 gift card (uhh like those Visa gift cards that can be used basically anywhere).]

text

[snarkbot]

!!!!!!!!!!

[snarkbot]

SIR. SIR.

text; doppleskeets goin on a shitpost rampage

[snarkbot]

[ Honestly, real Skeets definitely sends Ted vines, but he probably wouldn't send Ted the one he does now. ]

hello :))))

[khajidont]

Okay if you're going to be THIS late you'd better be coming with pizzas cuz I already told BB you're coming and he's been wiggling at me for like the past half hour. You know how he is

[khajidont]

[ ten minutes later: ]

I was joking about the whole pizza thing for the record. Just come whenever